Recently I've caught wind of how there is such a huge grudge against me for ruining this day.
But Let me tell you, I'm so glad I now know I ruined your day, as I had planned from the beginning.
When I found out you got engaged, in 2008, I still hated you from stealing my Horse, MY horse, then sold him to that 16 year old at the time, just to be cool with her. And she killed him, so there was no chance in hell I could ever get him back. You say horses are your life and how you ride so often, but you wouldn't understand the VALUE of that horse to me. Plus your far too obese to ride, or even afford to find a horse to carry you.
At first I would refuse to have anything to do with your wedding, I didn't even want to be there on the day. And that was when I decided I would make sure I ruined your wedding day. Karma, you took something special from me, I'm going to ruin the 'special' day. Karma.
After a few arguements with my mother about it, I agreed to be in the wedding party. Then after your friend Sara bailed on you a friend, I became maid of Honour, the most horrible position in the world.
You did me wrong.
Yes whenever something needed to be found, I found it, used mother's credit card to buy it for you, or for whatever, I spent more work on your wedding than you did. Maybe not if you count thinking about it.
I put together your bridal shower, I stayed away because I cannot stand groups like that. Plus it was you at the center of attention, which you LIVE for. I was perfectly fine staying away from you.
I went back to college for a month before the wedding. School got tough immediately, it's not easy being a pre medicine major. Stress got me. My roommate at the time had mental problems.
When I retuned home for the wedding weekend, My second home, Findlay, had turned into a huge mess. During the Rehersal dinner, I had to rush home to finish an important anatomy online quiz, which, I got a 20 something percent on, which just crushed me, I wanted to cry. So I had that weighing on my mind. She says she made a whole long speech thanking me, it was only 30 second long before she moved on. She got all the bridesmaids the same gift, I deserved more than what she gave me I wasted my time on her wedding, and all I get is a five dollar necklace, a stupid head scratcher, and a photo frame? Awesome. I did get upset about her not thanking me enough for doing about 60% of her wedding stuff even though my mom asked me to do it.
I got my hair done first on the big day, I don't remember why, I just did. She was walking in as I was walking out. She claims I ignored her, but I didn't she acted like a diva and ignored me. Plus I had the weight of that failed anatomy quiz on my mind. I just remember thinking ' how am I going to make it to med school if I can't pass an online quiz?'
When ever I get upset about school, I want to be left alone, I want to be in bed.
Then the bridesmaids made fun of some of things I did for them, like the necklaces "didnt match" or "the pew bows are ugly" and I shot through the roof, I hid away from everybody in the church, I wanted nothing to do with them. I wanted to go back to Findlay. But turns out, that wouldn't have been a great idea.
The wedding went through, pictures were alright, thoughout the whole wedding I remember just thinking about that quiz, running over the questions, the only question I remember to this day is ' during the cell life cycle, DNA replicates during what cycle?' I was still made at her for not being more grateful for all the work I did to make this day even happen.
In the limo, I got a text from my roommate, jsut going of on me for telling people she was moving out, then soon after student services called me saying what was going on. About 25 texts from my roommate saying I was a crazy bitch, when I had been nothing but nice to her. except for the one time I was bossy and told her to be quiet. But I was told by student services that she had to be moved out of our dorm because she was cosnidered UNSAFE to live in a dorm, meaning she could go psycho. Turns out that 6 months later she was dismissed from the university because she did go psycho, and I was warned by student services for my own safety at that time.
I was upset that my second home was under fire, I didn't know what was going on, I wanted it fixed. And nobody, except for Sarah was there to hear me out. My parents didn't want to hear it. Because just the night before When I snapped, my mom told me to put my priorities right, and I told her I put school first. And the next day, my school life turned upside, down and when I wanted to get that fixed, I was called psycho by my own parents because I didnt want anything to do with my sister and her day. I yelled at her when she arrived at the reception, calling her a selfish, self-centered whore. I stayed until 930, and then I left.
I went home, read all the emails Findlay had sent me. I didn't talk much to my parents the next day. But I delveloped a hate for my sister.
She holds a grudge to me, I hold one even bigger to her. In march, I had to attend a seminar that was for 3 days about coping. Turns out it was about getting past the anger in your life. Anger consist of Two things being mad and being upset, which can tear apart your mind, and leave you in a mess. And I agree with that. The first night was addressing what made your angry, why it made you angry, then it opened you up to that anger again, to the point where it felt so fresh the fire was burning.The Second day was about how upset and unhappy with it you were. Every time my sister was my reasons. By the end of the night everyone in that room was crying. On the final day it was closure, ways to get past this hatred and anger. If it had to do money wise, or use wise, you were to write out a recipe for your work done or what was taken from you. I wrote everything down, and the total came to about a thousand dollars, that I feel like my sister owes me. But the way to get that back is every good thing she does or whenever she stays away take a dollar off. And slowly you will forget and move on. I have moved on, I will never forgive her for what she has taken from me, or done to me.
She has run my giving well dry, nor will she ever use it again when it is filled again.
I have moved on, now it's her turn to stop lying about what happened, and realise she did me wrong the whole time. But I don't care anymore, I'll use her like a dish rag when I can.
I hope Karma hits you hard Ashley, I do.
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